(repost from Nov5th last year)

Heyho,

I wanna yell out rite now. Ok, I'm freak enough guys. hahahahaha.

Hey, it's been my third year being a student here, it's getting more closer to be clinical psychologist. fight fight!

The subjects are also getting harder here. But, no probs, there's also happiness behind that, as wiseman says: blessing in disguise. In this very semester, we as psychology student are having chance to choose the concentration. it may be suited with our passion or maybe just a choice to be a quick way for passing this undergraduate program. I decided to choose clinical and developmental psychology as my concentration. In fact, I am not really interested with children, yeah, perhaps having babies someday will turn my mind. we'll see.

Why you love studying psychology? Is it a common sense that we couldn't have to study about?

Grow up, dude. I found this was non sense since I studied here 2 years ago. I look myself better than I used to, just because I know what I supposed to be. At least, we are all here learn to know ourselves more, then realize what we really feel inside. We learn about human. Yeah, we actually learn ourselves, the way we think, the feeling we keep inside, and the action come up from our bodies. When we think, we feel, and we act. Those three activities works together in harmony, each affecting another. I find it interesting when we learn about ourself, our life, and so that we could learn to know ourself, then cure it.

Psychology was literally derived from psychee which means soul and logos which means knowledge or science. Psychology once became part of philosophy and medicine, till then people thought we needed more specific science to learn human. So, here it is, psychology.

If you said that psychology is common sense? You're right. Psychology existed from common sense thinking,  from curiosity why human does something and not others, why human acts, what kind of thing endorsing human activities. But now, it's science. We here learn lots of journals, those all prove you that psychology is not kind of common sense anymore. Psychology is scientific, all we do maybe seems easy and without any serious reasoning behind yet I promise you, to make those theories psychology experts do the research thoughtfully over and over. Undergraduate students also try to make a research, it lemme know that it's quite hard to have control over human.

To know yourself, even others', we couldn't just stay or ask others what doing at that very time. We, as psychology student, was taught to not only ask, but observe and DID analyzed. We learn whole things affecting human, including anything outside us. We still learn biology for its impact in human activity. We learn  the pattern of parents' caretaking for its contribution in building child character. Oh yes, we learn anything affecting human behavior.

Here, many things we got it's also fun. Many things are applicable to use in our daily life. We learn to be a good listener, so quickly after the class was over, we practically do it with our friends in canteen. We learn to be assertive, it helps me saying something hurts. We are learner for ourselves.

Empathy is our strength. It distinguishes us from another student. No wonder, there're so many things here are kind of social activity, a kind of charity. We start from helping people around us, friend, mate, and family. To be helper is to be sensitive. To be sensitive makes us having empathy.

Psychology is for all, not only girls. Fact may sentence most of psychologist or people working in psychology area are women. But, it's also widely open for you boys, since you guys are also human, and need to know yourselves and others to live. Don't judge boys here are not gentle. To be gentle or not is a choice. But we do not teach boys to be like girls here. We even never gave the boys make up class or hair do. All we do are just sitting for the lecture, visiting places for accomplishing our tasks, arranging research, not very different from another students in general.

I concern in adult matters. I love it for its complexity. I remember when I'm 11 yo, I came back home and switched on TV every 1 pm just for watching "Oh Mama Oh Papa". You know, it was the title of drama based on true story in Majalah Kartini. I could easily got cried when seeing rape case, infidelity complex, and so on. Then, I realized that adult has more complicated  problem than younger or older people. And, actually   those all are tempting to be known more! It convinced me, to choose this life path, to be clinical psychologist, to help others getting trouble with relationship problem, curing trauma from being hurted in marriage life.. yeah, I'll be, I'll be, soon :)

(repost from Nov13 last year)

Dear, I write this posting in predawn and actually 1 hour before I'm having supper.

HOAAAAA, I couldn't even describe myself now. Too many things holded here, in mind. But the night is too late, the sun will soon break this dawn. So I tell you in a mere quick way.

This night, I learn about Parting. Parting or farewell or somebody calls it as separation is shit thing yet hard. We know that is always hard to say goodbye to every single stuffs you always met and to be casually behave when someone leaving you, like anything never happened.

I called someone whom I used to talk to, this very night. I call him just for uttering happy birthday and all the prayers following. I tried to prove that I was really ok by calling him confidently. 

He just thanked for the greeting, not more

It wasn't that matter yet he forgot me was the big problem. How on earth could you explain me why you always asked me the same questions since 3 years ago? You always asked me whom you text-ed with. Could you just save my number since we're still friend? Or just kidding me that you never fixed the phone for some reasons?

I keep myself awake, now. Until I eventually reach Veto through line. Then, it punchs me, indeed. 

Is he trying to leave me? Because he don't deserve any of misperception like I did before? 

Yes. Perhaps, I truthfully know it, inside. Yet maybe I chose denial keep the better of my willingness to letting him slip away.

Somehow, it's always hard to let someone or anyone you love in this earth go. It's even bitter when you heard him love his life now, like you're never try to make him lead happy life. It's just for his favor, that he deserve. Even if leave me here is the kindest way... to choose.

suratmu itu tidak akan pernah terkirim, karena sebenarnya kamu hanya ingin berbicara pada dirimu sendiri. kamu ingin berdiskusi dengan angin, dengan wangi sebelas tangkai sedap malam yang kamu beli dari tukang bunga berwajah memelas, dengan nyamuk-nyamuk yang cari makan, dengan malam, dengan detik jam. tentang dia. sebelah darimu menginginkan agar dia datang, membencimu hingga muak dan mendekati gila, menertawakan segala kebodohannya, kekhilafannya, untuk sampai jatuh hati padamu, menyesalkan magis yang hadir naluriah setiap kali kalian berjumpa. akan kamu kirimkan lagi tiket bioskop, bon restoran, semua tulisannya – dari mulai nota sebaris sampai doa berbait-bait. dan beceklah pipinya karena geli, karena asap dan api dari benda-benda yang ia hanguskan – bukti-bukti bahwa kalian pernah saling tergila-gila – beterbangan masuk ke matanya. semoga ia pergi dan tak pernah menoleh lagi. hidupmu, hidupnya, pasti akan lebih mudah. tapi, sebelah dari kamu menginginkan agar dia datang, menjemputmu, mengamini kalian, dan untuk kesekian kali, jatuh hati lagi, segila-gilanya, sampai batas gila dan waras pupus dalam kesadaran murni akan cinta. kemudian mendamparkan dirilah kalian di sebuah alam tak dikenal untuk membaca ulang semua kalimat, mengenang setiap inci perjalanan, perjuangan, dan ketabahan hati. betapa sebelah darimu percaya bahwa setetes air mata pun akan terhitung, tak ada yang mengalir mubazir, segalanya pasti bermuara di satu samudra tak terbatas, lautan merdeka yang bersanding sejajar dengan cakrawala. dan itulah tujuan kalian. 

kalau saja hidup tidak berevolusi, kalau saja sebuah momen dapat selamanya menjadi fosil tanpa terganggu, kalau saja kekuatan kosmik mampu stagnan di satu titik. maka tanpa ragu kamu akan memilih satu detik bersamanya untuk diabadikan. cukup satu. satu detik yang segenap keberadaannya dipersembahkan untuk bersamamu, dan bukan dengan ribuan hal lain yang menanti untuk dilirik pada detik berikutnya. betapa kamu rela membatu untuk itu. tapi, hidup ini cair. semesta ini bergerak. realitas berubah. seluruh simpul dari kesadaran kita berkembang mekar. hidup akan mengikis apa saja yang memilih diam, memaksa kita untuk mengikuti arus agungnya yang jujur tetapi penuh rahasia. kamu, tidak terkecuali. kamu takut. kamu takut karena ingin jujur. dan kejujuranmu menyudutkanmu untuk mengakui kamu mulai ragu. dialah bagian terbesar dalam hidupmu, tapi kamu cemas. kata “sejarah” mulai menggantung hati-hati di atas sana. “sejarah kalian”. konsep itu menakutkan sekali. sejarah memiliki tampuk istimewa dalam hidup manusia, tapi tidak lagi melekat utuh pada realitas. sejarah seperti awan yang tampak padat berisi tapi ketika disentuh menjadi embun yang rapuh. skenario perjalanan kalian mengharuskanmu untuk sering menyejarahkannya, merekamnya, lalu memainkannya ulang di kepalamu sebagai sang kekasih impian, sang tujuan, sang inspirasi bagi segala mahakarya yang termuntahkan ke dunia. sementara dalam setiap detik yang berjalan, kalian seperti musafir yang tersesat di padang. berjalan dengan kompas masing-masing, tanpa ada usaha saling mencocokkan. sesekali kalian bertemu, berusaha saling toleransi atas nama cinta dan perjuangan yang tidak boleh sia-sia. kamu sudah membayar mahal untuk perjalanan ini. kamu pertaruhkan segalanya demi apa yang kamu rasa benar. dan mencintainya menjadi kebenaran tertinggimu. lama baru kamu menyadari bahwa pengalaman merupakan bagian tak terpisahkan dari hubungan yang diikat oleh seutas perasaan mutual. lama bagi kamu untuk berani menoleh ke belakang, menghitung, berapa banyakkah pengalaman nyata yang kalian alami bersama? sebuah hubungan yang dibiarkan tumbuh tanpa keteraturan akan menjadi hantu yang tidak menjejak bumi, dan alasan cinta yang tadinya diagungkan bisa berubah menjadi utang moral, investasi waktu, perasaan, serta perdagangan kalkulatif antara dua pihak.