The Heartwilling

(repost from Nov13 last year)

Dear, I write this posting in predawn and actually 1 hour before I'm having supper.

HOAAAAA, I couldn't even describe myself now. Too many things holded here, in mind. But the night is too late, the sun will soon break this dawn. So I tell you in a mere quick way.

This night, I learn about Parting. Parting or farewell or somebody calls it as separation is shit thing yet hard. We know that is always hard to say goodbye to every single stuffs you always met and to be casually behave when someone leaving you, like anything never happened.

I called someone whom I used to talk to, this very night. I call him just for uttering happy birthday and all the prayers following. I tried to prove that I was really ok by calling him confidently. 

He just thanked for the greeting, not more

It wasn't that matter yet he forgot me was the big problem. How on earth could you explain me why you always asked me the same questions since 3 years ago? You always asked me whom you text-ed with. Could you just save my number since we're still friend? Or just kidding me that you never fixed the phone for some reasons?

I keep myself awake, now. Until I eventually reach Veto through line. Then, it punchs me, indeed. 

Is he trying to leave me? Because he don't deserve any of misperception like I did before? 

Yes. Perhaps, I truthfully know it, inside. Yet maybe I chose denial keep the better of my willingness to letting him slip away.

Somehow, it's always hard to let someone or anyone you love in this earth go. It's even bitter when you heard him love his life now, like you're never try to make him lead happy life. It's just for his favor, that he deserve. Even if leave me here is the kindest way... to choose.